she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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