I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
