No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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