Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize