So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
