We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They have beer where we have blood.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
