Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize