I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
