And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
