I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize