is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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