youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
