youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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