and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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