i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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