I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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