I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
