Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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