i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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