is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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