U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
