I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
