i just had sex bonerless
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
