I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We don't watch enough power rangers
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
