I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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