do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
