Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize