I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
