Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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