Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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