the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
