Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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