i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
