My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
honey bunches of taint.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
