thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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