Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
