i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
