He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
