Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
