things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
