This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
