well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
