Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My life is pants optional.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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