i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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