People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
