I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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