I CAN MOONWALK!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
