bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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