he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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