I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
