i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
