I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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