i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize