Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
