i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
