you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
