And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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