We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
