i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
