im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Farmville is her only friend.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
