I am in a vortex of obligation.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
