Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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