i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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