Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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