Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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