Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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