im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
