I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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