Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
