I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
