I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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