I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
