life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
