my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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