I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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