your room smells of hookers.
And success
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
