I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
