He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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