Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
