I'm laying in your front yard are you home
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
