Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
