Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
