oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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