recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
