Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
