So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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