Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
