Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
