Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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