That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize