he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
