so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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