Don't make out with my wife yet
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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