God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize