There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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