theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
