It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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