I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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