i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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