The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
