My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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