Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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