yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
