FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
