His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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