I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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