He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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