I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
